Why Trust Recovery Guide Maybe you’ve noticed your boyfriend drinking more than he used to. Perhaps his drinking is causing problems in your relationship, at his job, or with his health. If you’re worried that he might have an issue with drinking, you’re not alone. Many people may have a hard time recognizing when someone they care about has crossed the line from casual drinking to alcoholism.
Alcoholism, also called alcohol use disorder (AUD), is more than just drinking too much sometimes. It means someone has strong cravings for alcohol and keeps drinking even when it’s hurting their life. They might have health problems, get into arguments with loved ones, or face trouble at work or with the police, but they still can’t stop. Knowing the warning signs can help you figure out if your boyfriend needs help and what you should do next.
Types Of Alcoholics
Not everyone that struggles with AUD is a severe alcoholic.
There are different levels and types of alcoholics:
- Young Adult — start drinking around 20 years old, drink only a few times a week but binge drink when they do
- Young Antisocial — start drinking around or before 15 years old, have an antisocial personality disorder
- Functional — educated, relationships seem intact, employed, usually hide how much they drink, often binge drink multiple times a week
- Intermediate Familial — have family members that abuse alcohol, start drinking around 17 years old, usually drink to cope with stress related to family
- Chronic Severe — mostly men, struggle with employment, multiple DUIs, higher rate of divorce, many abuse multiple drugs
- High-Functioning Alcoholics — These types of alcoholics are usually able to hide their drinking, often by engaging in binge drinking. They are typically employed, appear to have decent relationships, and are educated.
These subtypes come from a 2007 NIAAA study and are sometimes referenced in clinical literature. The current DSM-5 framework classifies alcohol use disorder on a severity spectrum of mild, moderate, or severe, and they’re based on how many diagnostic criteria are met rather than by subtype.
A clinician can assess severity and recommend appropriate treatment regardless of which subtype description seems most familiar.
Some Warning Signs You Could Be Dating an Alcoholic
There are some questions that you can ask yourself about your boyfriend’s behavior that might indicate that he could be struggling with alcohol addiction. The questions below are broken down into different subsections, based on criteria similar to that used to diagnose an alcohol use disorder.
Drinking When They Didn’t Intend To
- Have they said they wouldn’t drink but then started hanging out around others that have been drinking and start to drink?
- Or, maybe they’ve said they would only have a couple drinks but ended up getting intoxicated and staying out much longer than planned?
- Did you ask him to stop drinking and he said he would, only to find out he is still drinking alcohol?
Being Irritable When They Can’t Drink
- Do they tend to get upset about things they shouldn’t get upset about when they haven’t been able to drink?
- Do they get angry when unprovoked?
- Has your boyfriend ever gotten physically aggressive with you while he was drunk?
May Not Seem Intoxicated
- Have you noticed he can drink more, for longer periods, and he doesn’t show signs of being drunk?
- Does it seem like his tolerance for alcohol keeps increasing?
- Does it seem like he can “out drink” most people?
Makes Up Reasons Or Excuses To Drink
- Does your boyfriend always seem to have a reason to drink?
- Does he tell you that he is only drinking because he had a bad day?
- Is every celebration a reason for drinking alcohol?
Plans His Life Around Drinking
- Is it hard to get him to attend social events where drinking isn’t allowed?
- Does he always want to go to the bar, or go have drinks after doing things where he can’t drink?
- Is he primarily only making plans with other people that drink?
Drinking Even Though It Has Been A Problem In The Past
- Has he been in trouble for his drinking?
- Has he ever lost a job due to drinking?
- Has he ever had any health issues related to excessive alcohol consumption?
Personality Changes When Intoxicated
- Has he ever become physically or verbally abusive when intoxicated?
- Has he ever gotten into a bar fight after a night of drinking?
- Have you ever felt forced to have sex with your boyfriend after an evening of drinks?
Tries To Hide His Alcohol Consumption
- Has your boyfriend ever lied to you about how much he has had to drink?
- Have you caught him going out drinking when he said he would not?
- Have you ever found alcohol hidden in strange places in his house (the garage, the bathroom, his car)?
- Does he use gum or mouthwash to hide alcohol on his breath?
Showing Withdrawal Symptoms
- When your boyfriend doesn’t drink for a couple days, does he get headaches, nausea, or vomiting?
- Does your boyfriend become irritable or have anxiety after taking a break from drinking?
If you have experienced physical violence or felt forced into sexual activity, this is abuse, regardless of whether alcohol was involved. Alcohol does not cause intimate partner violence. It can lower inhibitions but the behavior reflects choices and patterns that exist independent of drinking.
If you are in an unsafe situation, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788. Help is free, confidential, and available around the clock.
Is My Boyfriend Having Alcohol Withdrawals?
When a person who is addicted to alcohol decides to quit drinking, even for a short period, they will usually experience withdrawal. This is because their body has become dependent on it, and basically becomes sick without it.
While many symptoms of withdrawal range from uncomfortable to painful, some can be very dangerous. It is important to understand that severe alcohol withdrawal requires medical attention and can be fatal in some cases.
If your boyfriend is physically dependent on alcohol and stops drinking suddenly, do not assume withdrawal will resolve on its own. Delirium tremens can develop 48 to 72 hours after the last drink and can be fatal without medical intervention. If he experiences seizures, severe confusion, fever, or hallucinations after stopping drinking, call 911 immediately.
Some symptoms of alcohol withdrawal include:
- anxiety
- excessive sweating
- increased heart rate
- loss of appetite
- irritability
- depression
- mood swings
- headache
- nausea/vomiting
- shakes or tremors
- seizures
Delirium Tremens (DT) is one of the most severe symptoms of alcohol withdrawal, and usually emerges within 48-72 hours after a person stops drinking. A person can experience psychosis, hallucinations, delusions, unprovoked aggression, coma, and death. Untreated, DT can be fatal.
Understanding Codependency In Relationships With Alcoholics
Codependency happens when you focus so much on someone else’s problems that you ignore your own needs. If you’re constantly covering for your boyfriend’s drinking, canceling plans because of his behavior, or spending all your energy trying to help him, you might be in a codependent relationship.
Other warning signs include feeling responsible for his drinking, making excuses to friends and family about why he acts certain ways, or feeling like your happiness depends completely on him getting better.
Codependency can be harmful to both people in the relationship. It often creates a pattern where his drinking continues and your mental health suffers. Breaking this cycle usually requires help for both partners. You might benefit from therapy or support groups like Al-Anon, which are specifically for people who care about someone with a drinking problem.
Supporting someone with alcohol use disorder means expressing concern, encouraging treatment, and being present for their recovery efforts. Enabling means absorbing the consequences of their drinking on their behalf, including covering for missed obligations or providing money that funds their drinking. The distinction matters because enabling removes the natural consequences that often motivate change, while genuine support creates conditions where recovery becomes possible.
Remember that his alcoholism is not your fault. He’s the only one responsible for his choices and for getting help. You can support him, but you can’t fix him or force him to change.
Getting Help For Your Boyfriend Facing Alcoholism
If your boyfriend shows signs of alcohol addiction, consider having an honest conversation with him about your concerns. Pick a time when he’s sober and approach the topic with care. Let him know you’re worried about him and that treatment options are available. Be prepared with information about rehab programs, counseling, or support groups in case he’s ready to accept help.
However, if he gets defensive, refuses to acknowledge the problem, or won’t consider treatment, you need to make decisions that keep you safe.
It is not only okay but sometimes necessary to leave a relationship where alcohol use disorder is creating an unsafe or emotionally damaging environment. Staying does not help the person with alcohol use disorder change, and it can significantly harm your own mental and physical health. Your safety and wellbeing are not negotiable.
You can contact SAMHSA for free advice about addiction resources, whether you’re looking for help for him or support for yourself.