Family Roles In Addiction

Addiction rarely stays contained to just one person. It tends to ripple outward, shaping the behavior, emotions, and coping mechanisms of everyone living alongside it, especially within families. As a way of managing the stress and unpredictability that addiction brings into a household, family members often fall into specific roles without even realizing it.

These roles can offer a sense of stability or control in an otherwise chaotic situation, but they often come at a cost. Knowing what these roles look like, and how they form, can be the first step toward recognizing unhealthy patterns and beginning to heal, both individually and as a family.

Learn more about substance abuse in families

*We aim to remove all stigma associated with substance use disorders in order to best help those who need treatment. However, we include some outdated, commonly known terms to provide an overview of their meaning in context as necessary for broader understanding.

What Is A Family Role?

A family role is a role, or behavioral pattern, that a person takes on in the household. Generally, a role is adopted as a sort of coping mechanism. Family roles tend to result from a person’s response to the problem of their loved one’s substance abuse, and their way of managing the issue emotionally, mentally, or psychologically.

Within the realm of drug addiction, there are six common roles that family members affected by drug and alcohol addiction most commonly take on.

Learn about the reversal of family roles in addiction

Common Family Roles In Addiction

Decades ago, addiction expert Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse identified six primary roles within families affected by alcohol use disorder, also known as alcohol addiction. Since then, this model has also been used to describe families affected by other types of drug addictions, such as opioid addiction, cocaine addiction, and prescription drug addiction.

Although not all families have exactly six members, it’s common for family members affected by addiction to identify with characteristics of one or more of the following roles.

Below are brief descriptions of the six family roles in addiction.

The Addicted Person

The addicted person, typically referred to in educational and research materials as the “*addict,” is the person with a substance use disorder in the household.

Signs of an addicted person include:

• frequent, excessive drug use
• increased isolation from family members
• using drugs more often and in higher amounts over time
• being unable to reduce drug use or stop drug abuse
• hiding or lying about drug or alcohol use
• neglecting family, friends, work, or school as a result of drug use
• constant preoccupation with getting or using more drugs
• continuing to use drugs despite negative consequences
• experiencing withdrawal symptoms with reduced or stopped drug use

This person can essentially become the center of the family’s conflict. Other family members may adapt their own behavioral patterns in response to their loved one’s substance abuse.

The Hero

The “hero” of the family is a family member who will often try to make everything appear on the outside as if they, and the family at large, have everything together.

Signs of a hero include:

• assuming over-responsibility
• self-sufficiency
• over-achieving
• strives for perfection in everything
• tries to maintain a “normal” appearance for the family
• overly stressed out
• may try to hide their own emotional or mental distress

They may attempt to “fix” their loved one’s addiction, as well as the family dysfunction that the addiction can cause behind closed doors, beyond the public eye.

The Scapegoat

The scapegoat is someone who becomes known as the “problem child” within the household.

Signs of a scapegoat:

• defiant behavior
• acting out in school
• worsened academic performance
• changes in employment status
• irritability
• acting increasingly hostile or angry
• experiences rejection from other family members
• unintentionally diverts attention away from the addicted person

This person, sometimes described as the opposite of the “hero,” responds to their loved one’s addiction, and perhaps their own distress, by lashing out through acts of defiance.

The Caretaker

Similar to the hero, the caretaker is someone who will often go to great lengths to try and keep the family happy. Also referred to as the “enabler,” the caretaker may cover up the mistakes of their addicted loved one and become a martyr of sorts.

Signs of a caretaker include:

• lying for their addicted loved one
• downplaying their loved one’s substance abuse
• sacrificing themselves or their own needs for the sake of shielding their loved one
• supporting their loved one’s dysfunctional substance use behaviors
• paying for their loved one’s drugs
• deep denial of the seriousness of their loved one’s addiction
• going to extreme lengths to protect the family’s “secret”

The Mascot

The mascot becomes something like the class clown of the family.

Signs of a mascot:

• tries to lessen the stress of family members in the household
• constantly on the go or hyperactive
• deflecting from the problem with humor
• feeling powerless about how to help
• increased anxiety or depression
• difficulty managing emotions
• inability to recognize their own pain

While they may recognize the seriousness of the situation, they’ll often mask or deflect from the problem with humor or other pleasantries.

The Lost Child

The lost child is a family member who gets left behind, so to speak, as the addicted person becomes a focal point of the family unit.

Signs of a lost child:

• feeling neglected
• becoming withdrawn
• staying out of the way of others
• has difficulty making decisions
• struggles to form and maintain positive relationships
• increased loneliness
• feelings of depression

What Are The Costs Of Family Roles?

It’s not uncommon for family members to adopt these roles. But unfortunately, this can have a number of negative effects, both in the short-term and long-term for the entire family unit.

This can affect:

• physical health
• mental health
• emotional health
• tension in the household
• social lives of family members
• ability for family members to function normally

Some common costs, or consequences, of these changes in behavioral patterns include some of the issues below.

Forming A Codependency

Codependency is a dysfunctional, unbalanced relationship in which a person may enable the addicted person’s behavior and undermine their own health and wellbeing in the process. This toxic pattern of behavior can be harmful both for the addicted loved one and the person who is co-dependent, and can ultimately undermine the relationship between the two.

Read more about codependency and substance abuse in families.

Poor Mental Health

Although drugs and alcohol can affect mental health, so too can living in a household with addiction as a constant, all-consuming presence. The person with the substance use disorder, as well as family members, may grow more anxious, depressed, hopeless, and have issues with various aspects of their lives.

Strained Relationships

Substance abuse, and resulting family dysfunction, can divide. It can ruin relationships in some cases and cause moderate to severe distress in families in the process. Taking on a dysfunctional role as a result of addiction may cause feelings of resentment, distrust, and disrupt normal interactions between family members.

Can Family Roles Change Over Time?

Family roles aren’t necessarily fixed for life. As circumstances shift, whether that’s a sibling moving away, a parent entering recovery, or a family member starting their own healing process, people can and often do move between roles or step out of them altogether. Recognizing the role you’ve taken on is usually the first step toward changing it.

This kind of shift often takes intentional work, frequently with the support of therapy or a structured family program. As family members begin to understand the patterns they’ve fallen into and why, they can start to build healthier ways of relating to one another, both within the context of addiction and beyond it.

Getting Help For A Loved One With Addiction

Reaching out to a treatment center, counselor, or support group can be the first step toward breaking unhealthy family patterns and beginning real recovery, both for the person with the addiction and for the loved ones who’ve adapted around it. Many programs welcome family involvement from the very start, recognizing that healing tends to go further when it includes everyone affected, not just the person using substances.

It’s also worth remembering that finding help for yourself, even if your loved one isn’t ready for treatment yet, is a valid and important step. Family therapy, support groups like Al-Anon or Nar-Anon, and individual counseling can help you process your own experience, set healthier boundaries, and begin to step out of roles that may no longer be serving you.